Things that go bump in the night…
… are my neighbors. That’s right kids… my neighbors, my past roommates, my nightmares… all intent on driving my insomnia to the brink while rubbing it in (or off? ba dum chh).
The other night I pooped popped (that was too funny a typo to delete it in full) one of my sleepy pills, because said insomnia is bad enough that I have to use drugs, and let me tell you that this stuff isn’t that Ambien deal where I wake up and eat raw bacon or murder people while sleep walking. However, I am normally an incredibly light sleeper and wake up to the sound of a bug farting, so my pills do me good by allowing me to be knocked out for some number of hours with little ability to wake up. The kind of sleep where you drool all over yourself and have no control over it and dont realize what you’ve done until the alarm goes off (attractive, I know, but it is better than wetting the bed, which has NOT happened… and I can hopefully get off these pills in a few months). But, enough about my love for my sleepy magic medicine… and onto my story…
So I am out like a fat kid in dodge ball and have been for a few hours… but something manages to startle me awake. I am not really sure what until I manage to get my wherewithal. Why is something yelling- do they need help? They sound in distress…….. *rubs eyes*….. OH. NOOOO. It’s just my neighbors with their window some five feet away from mine full on doing the nasty and the girl is apparently enjoying it. A little too loudly if you ask me. Eventually they manage to “pause” so they can shut the window and I can head back to sleep… or not. But really? You couldn’t have shut the window prior to waking up every man, woman, and child in the neighborhood at 3am? Heck, that was basically fornicating in public.
But now we get into my issue with this… not only have you woke me from my sleep, which I take incredibly seriously (if I shell out on medicine for it, I am not talking child’s play here)… but you’ve also managed to prevent me from returning to it- and my sanity. Your sex noises? DON’T WANT TO HEAR THEM!
You see, I have a problem… call it an overactive imagination or something. The very thing that allows me to enjoy music so much is a TOTAL mind-f&*# when it comes to the lustful sounds of people bumping uglies. I cannot, for the life of me nor my sleep, disassociate sounds with mental images. With music and nature and all of those lovely things, this can be wonderful. With that other type of “nature”, it is pure torture.
I used to endure one of my past roommates having such loud sex, drawn out for some hours, that you would have sworn you were in the bed with her and her boyfriend. *Shudders*. Hell, sometimes I don’t even think they were having sex… I think I was so tormented by it that I just imagined any time they were in bed together that it was happening, and the sounds- they haunted me! I would have to get up the next morning… my eyes shot and red, and my mind numb… and see both of them talk to me like regular human beings. Like they weren’t just ravaging one another (loudly) hours ago to drive me to the point of murderous endeavors. I could not look at their faces while they spoke to me without thinking of the guy making his grunt noises and the girl moaning (in what always seemed to be an overly dramatic effort… you get what I am getting at). It got so bad I bought ear plugs.
And that is my problem.. my illness. The other night when they finally shut the window, I thought, “finally, now I can get back to sleep.” How foolish was I? Tossing and turning with thoughts of, “I have no idea what these neighbors look like, is it a guy and a girl, or a girl and girl, or a gang bang… or maybe she’s alone!” People without faces were in these terrible mental images that bothered me for another couple of hours. What’s worse is that it isn’t like I have anyone sharing my bed with me at the moment… so it isn’t like I can go all revenge on them. Color me sexually frustrated if you like, but if you don’t look like Fernando Torres or Jake Gyllenhaal, I don’t want to hear your heavy breathing or perverse sounds ringing in my ears throughout the night. Ever.
